The older we have, the harder it is always to date throughout the color line.
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Eating out during the Six Chilis Cafe, Chaynor and I also sat side by side, across from our close friends, Mark and couple that is jie—another interracial. When two unsolicited forks arrived with our Mongolian beef, we knew one ended up being for me personally plus one for Mark, one other Caucasian. I possibly could tell the waitress assumed Mark and I were dating, therefore I planted a kiss on Chaynor’s cheek, noting the shock of many patrons that are asian. Their response ended up being absolutely nothing brand new.
Created and raised in a predominantly asian community in the Bay region, i’ve dated only Chinese males, and every of my four relationships drew similar stares. I’m commonly branded a “rice chaser” and accused of having a fetish that is“asian” labels that—even though I’ve learned to laugh them off—prompt a sinking feeling within my belly. But in spite of each discouragement, I know the truth: my heart beats fast once I pass a nice-looking man that is asian the Quad, I am able to tune in to a boyfriend speak Mandarin for hours, and since age 12, when I’ve pictured the person of my hopes and dreams, he’s been Asian.
A week into seventh grade, a kid that is cute Derek Chu folded me a paper crane. Our torrid love lasted six months and fundamentally consisted of keeping hands. At the time, competition meant bit more than liking food that is different.
Now, but, the interracial relationship game isn’t as simple. Upon coming to Stanford, I was stunned by the general isolation for the Asian community. They’d their own businesses, groups, sororities, events and dances. Before college, my close friends, boyfriends and boss were Chinese, but none of us had dwelled on race. For the first time, we felt a divide that is widening.
At Stanford, i’ve heard both Caucasian and Asian individuals contend that American culture will not view Asian men as sexually attractive. Ironically, I discovered myself feeling unwelcome as a lot more of the young Chinese guys I encountered confessed they were just thinking about dating Chinese women, that white women didn’t fit their standard of beauty. We wonder who is more shortsighted—these guys for rejecting me personally on such basis as skin tone, or me personally for automatically discounting men that are white.
Self-imposed segregation isn’t the only real barrier to dating that is interracial. From the Chaynor telling me concerning the right time his parents asked if his gf ended up being white. As he nodded, he saw sadness spread over their mother’s face. As he added that we visited Stanford, his father responded, “Well, that’s something.” we made a point of wearing my Stanford sweatshirt when I first came across them, nearly as settlement for my whiteness. Sitting round the dining room dining table together with family—including their 12-year-old sister, who twice asked me personally for my last name—we tried to show off my refined chopstick skills and limited familiarity with Mandarin. At one point, Chaynor’s father asked me if we knew such a thing about Hunan province, and I also ended up being stumped. Significantly more than that, it felt like there clearly was no place that I would always make his life more complicated than it had to be for me in Chaynor’s future.
Since hard as that was, my boyfriends experienced to submit to my dad’s quizzes about the rule that is infield-fly show they weren’t athletically inept. While my parents have actually attempted to be accepting, they’ve said they don’t learn how to talk to my Chinese boyfriends, just as if they actually don’t speak the language that is same.
When Chaynor and I separated, we consented we didn’t have sufficient in accordance making it work. In truth, we knew our relationship had been a casualty of parental objectives.
My Chinese friends would be the first to express as they are—I was even invited to rush Alpha Kappa Delta Phi, Stanford’s Asian sorority that i’m just as Chinese. But recently I’ve discovered myself attracted to men that are asian pride themselves on being more American than Chinese. Maybe I’ve given up trying to fit impossible ideals that are cultural. I wonder whether I’ll eventually choose to date Caucasians—and if this may necessarily suggest I’ve surrendered.
Either way, I’m I’ve that is glad had opportunity to live and love regarding the fine line of racial huge difference. This has permitted me to grow into myself, read about others and recognize the traits I want in a potential romantic partner. I’ve had the chance secretbenefits to appreciate the tremendous impact of tradition, even as We struggled against it. When a waiter brings me personally a fork, I nevertheless get the chopsticks.
Camille Ricketts, ’06, is just a past history major from Fremont, Calif.